A Summary of My Journey

So, let's go back to the second thing you need to know: me.

I grew up in a relatively good-sized family (5 kids, parents). I've got 2 awesome brothers and 2 awesome sisters. My neighborhood included a decent amount of Mormons, so I never had a lacking in peer support when it came to facing the world (that was always nice). My family was a typical Mormon family: imperfect. We'd fight and bicker (we were a pretty loud bunch, but I LOVE that). We went to church every Sunday, all the boys got their Eagle Scouts, we had FHE pretty much every week, read scriptures at 5am every morning (I don't know if I'll ever be glad that it was that early), etc. It was pretty ordinary.

Oh wait. I'm gay.

I knew I was gay before I was passing the sacrament in church (which is 12 years old for those who aren't familiar). I never labeled it as "gay", but more "I'm attracted to guys...this isn't what they said would happen." It was always there as I grew up, but I never knew what it would mean post-mission. I mean, goals for most people in the church (gay or straight) would relatively be the same until their mission: priesthood ordinances, scouting, school, sports, extracurricular activities, some college or work, mission. The problem comes after the mission: all the conference talks and all the church lessons suddenly become about marriage and dating. Seriously, all of them.

Oh wait. I'm gay.

So, being at BYU only increases the amount of pressure a young adult receives in the church. It wasn't that I didn't try to have a relationship with females. I went on dates often and seriously dated around 5 girls during my first couple years and dated another during the last year who knew I was gay. They were all wonderful young women and most of them I think we would have worked well together.

Oh wait. I'm gay.

I finally had to consider what my options were. Finally I put a name to what I had been experiencing and accepted the term "gay". I mean this simply in that I am attracted to men. I don't quite fit into gay culture (drag queens don't make sense to me in any way, pride parades have never interested me, etc.). However, I understand their purpose and I won't deny them their right. In any case, I decided to identify as gay and accept that I don't really know what is going to happen in the future. It complicates things that I believe in the Book of Mormon and the Gospel of Christ as put forth by the LDS church.

The issue for me hadn't really been accepting being gay because I've lived with that knowledge all along. Putting a name to it, however, allowed me to begin to recognize the real issue: now what. What do I do with being gay and Mormon. Unfortunately, that conundrum has yet to be solved for my situation and I know that this is the same for many people. Too often people describe the solution as just leaving the church or just staying in the church. But can that really solve the question?

Well, that is where I'm at right now. Regular Mormon guy who likes guys. I serve actively in my ward, I study, I learn, I play, I fight, I cry, etc. And I'm gay. Interesting how things happen. Here's to the future and the possibilities that are endless. Only time will tell what paths will lead to where I should go in life. But, that can be discussed further. Peace and Blessings Y'all.