A Group Blog

This blog's purpose is to give voice to the lived experiences of gay Mormons, because, let's face it, we are awesome. But, I'll need your help. My experiences are going to be just as unique as the next guy, so I'll need input from you readers on your thoughts, experiences, and feelings. When you want to post something, just email me your draft to anothergaymormon13@gmail.com and I'll post it for you. And feel free to comment on any post.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

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Sunday, July 14, 2013
When I asked some Gay Mormons what terms they use with SSA or SGA, these are some of the responses I received. Notice the variation:

* When I'm with those who understand my commitment to the gospel, I say gay. Otherwise it's "I have SSA feelings."

* To me. they simply mean the same thing. To me it's the difference between being "fat" and being "chubby" or "overwieght". Just because I identify as 'gay' it doesn't mean that I have to walk in Pride parades and all that. I decide who I am. A label really doesn't mean much. I identify as both as use both interchangeably, but either way I let people know where I stand in regards to the gospel.

* I avoid using both of them. I say "I like guys." Because I like guys, but I do like girls to an extent as well. Gay sound slikes 100% attracted to boys, and SSA still sounds like a disease to me.

* Gay is easier to say. I also feel like some people use "same gender attracted" to make their feelings for the same sex sound more righteous than being gay. Gay, queer, SSA, SGA, homosexual--it still means you like your same sex on a significant level, there no need to sugar-coat it.

* If you refer to yourself as 'gay' i'm going to assume that your living the lifestyle of a gay, and frankly, your kidding yourself if you assume that by saying your gay people are also going to label you 'card carrying Mormon' . if i were to refer to myself as ssa, it opens the door to explanation, rather than having people assume they know what that means, because it is lesser known, and i have ONLY heard that description in the LDS community and people who have unwanted attractions/behaviors...if i were to ask some of my gay friends (from a past life) what ssa meant, they would have no idea, and i love that cause i don't associate with their term of 'gay'. gay DOES imply lifestyle and actions whether you want to admit it or not. and i am not a part of the unicorn crusade to get people to think otherwise, your outnumbered and asking for it. i do not apologize for my opinion on this matter. how do you separate the attraction and the lifestyles?

*  I was really confused at the difference between the two for a long time. I also felt more comfortable calling myself gay because, prior to joining the Church, that was the only phrase I knew. But I've since realized that SSA doesn't imply that I'm living a gay life-style, whereas "gay" (though more easily understood by the majority of people) just didn't fit with my new lifestyle.

* I call a spade a spade and use the term gay. It's up to me and my actions how others perceive me. If people choose to get hung up on their own perceptions and stereotypes, that's out of my control. I'm not hiding behind some watered-down, religious term.

*  I haven't got a preferred self term. I tailor it to the audience. Most people here don't understand the terms SSA or SGA so I tend to have to say gay. It doesn't matter to me.
On the other hand I've heard many leaders say not to use the label 'gay'. But whatever. We were also told not to use the term mormon. Now we have the I'm a Mormon campaign.

*  I think this reflects to what groups we conform to, and SSA is more in line with church's acknowledgement that feeling attraction to same sex is not a sin by itself so SSA is not supposed to induce any feelings of guilt, while term gay is a people coined term which I'd say initially referred to the most controversial aspects of homosexuality which is viewed by church as sinful so therefore, to some people this can help them identify as someone not desiring to sin... I believe identifying with one or the other is for some people a way to make a statement that they are not acting on it (SSA) or that they have an open mind (GAY)

* I use "gay". "SSA" sounds like a disease that needs to be treated. I have never understood the word "gay" to necessarily mean acting on those feelings (which I plan to do) or walk in pride parades (which are stupid).

* I used to say "I have SSA" (with the qualifier in the back of my mind being I wouldn't always have "it"). I am more comfortable with the term "gay" now, and am using it more--but not exclusively. (As a side note, I disagree that using the word "gay" HAS to mean gay sex, pride parades, rainbow flags, and movements to destroy religion. It is, after all, just a word. And yea--the term "SSA" does, in some ways, sound like a disease.

* I tell people i'm gay, though in reality im closer to bi. I just react differently between guys and girls. Its just easier to say gay because it less of an explanation.

* I like SGA because I think people (for better or worse) usually associate "gay" with someone who wants to be in a homosexual relationship or act out on same gender attraction. SGA implies that I don't want to live a more "typical" gay lifestyle. This terminology has become more important since I became married, and I need language to describe this part of me--language that is different from what most people think of when they hear the term "gay." Additionally, I used to say that I "struggle" with SGA, but I now I say that I "experience" SGA or that I am (primarily) same-gender attracted. Sometimes SGA is a struggle, but now I often see it as a blessing.

* For me, SSA IS a disease and I'm fine with that. That doesn't make me any less loved in the sight of God. And I could never call myself "gay" when Mormonism stands as the antithesis of so many things the "gay" community stands for, both in professed principles and in actual practice.

* Perhaps we could come up with a new term.... what about "Faithful And Gay" ... I see absolutely nothing wrong with that. not one bit. nope, looks good. ........... (chuckle!!!)


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